The Handicap Stall and Me

We have all been faced with the following tough scenario: A rumble in the stomach. Yup, that rumble. The burrito you bought from the shady guy on the street corner (sorry, Dave) is making its way down south. You have conceded the fact that you have to use the public bathroom. No big deal.

The tough choice arises when you see your stall options. Using MS Paint, I have recreated 99% of the public bathrooms I have visited in my 26 years on this earth (click the image to see the full masterpiece):



As you see from the image above, the handicap stall is the only logical choice. Nice layout. Enough room to host a game of Twister. Flowers everywhere. Safety bars bolted to the wall for that extra push. And yes, that is a 24k solid gold toilet. The other options are disgusting. The 'regular person' stalls are smaller than Anne Frank's hiding place. One is almost always out of order and the other one rarely has toilet paper and there is always shit EVERYWHERE. I will never understand how poop ends up on the seat and/or stall walls.

100% of the time I will choose option A, the luxurious handicap stall. I don't know about you but I always feel a little guilty using that stall. Usually I say a quick prayer to the shit gods to not let a handicapped person roll in and knock on the stall door. They must like me because I have never been faced with that awkward situation and I don't even want to think of how that conversation would go.

You will spend about 1-2 years of your lifetime on the toilet. Might as well make it as comfortable as possible.

40 Days and 40 Nights

Once in a while I feel the need to break out of the 140 character limit prison and write a useless blog entry. I am not a great writer so do not judge this blog/entry on grammar and word flow.

The other day I posted a mini rant on facebook about Lent. I am not Catholic but a lot of my friends are. Seeing a bunch of 'I am giving up _____ for Lent' posts just annoys the crap out of me. Here was my status update:

"People who give up self serving things for Lent crack me up. Oh noooo, you are depriving yourself of Dr. Pepper and ice cream for 40 days? Enjoy the weight loss. Great 'sacrifice'."

My main argument is that 90% of my friends are giving up things that will benefit them in some way. It has nothing to do with getting closer with God or sacrificing something important to them. If chocolate and soft drinks rule your life, I think you have more important issues to deal with. I thought I was going to get hammered by all my self-righteous friends but no one said a word. Maybe my post made them think twice. Maybe it didnt. At least I got it off my chest.

Ok ranting over. Now I will go watch 40 Days and 40 Nights over and over. Josh Hartnett is a very talented actor.